Celebrating World Breastfeeding Week!

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Wonderwoman

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This week is all about the boob! We love mama’s milk!

One of the greatest ways to promote normalcy in breastfeeding and create a breastfeeding culture is exposure. Mamas nurse your babies. The world needs to see it.

For more information about this awesome week go here:
http://worldbreastfeedingweek.org

 

Our Mama Circle on Wednesday 10-12 will be all about breastfeeding. If you are a pro and have done this for years come share your knowledge. If you have never nursed a baby, this is a great time to come see, learn, and experience this gift! See you Wednesday!

When was your last Well Woman Exam?

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Did you know that licensed midwives do “well woman” exams? Did you know that licensed midwives do kick-ass, amazing “well woman” exams?
We do. And today was just another confirmation that we do fantastic “well woman” care!

Sometimes I like to pretend I am not a healthcare worker, certainly not a midwife and just be a woman. I made my “well woman” appointment with a GYN office hosting several doctors and a CNM just to check out what other offices do, see if I am missing anything or can improve on anything. I met with the CNM who was lovely in every way, a true gem, yet she is stuck in a very broken system. This highly skilled, extremely educate woman could only spend 10 minutes with me. 10 min to connect to our new relationship, make me feel at ease, touch on my medical history, mush my boobs around, stick a speculum in my yoni, and give me a script for a mammogram. WHOA! How did we do all that in 10 min? She did the best she could with the time given.
It just made me all the more grateful and proud of the “well woman” care I, and all licensed midwives, give.

We have a fundamental belief that women are amazing, worthy of love, respect and time. Everything we do flows from that belief.
We schedule an hour for all “well woman” exams.
We spend A LOT of time talking, especially if this is the first time we have met. It is super important to us, not only health history, but current lifestyle. We want to know not just the physical but emotional, sexual, psychological, and spiritual side of a woman.
We talk about all the different tests and procedures to decide together what things actually are appropriate for her.
We do A LOT of education. From breast to yoni, contraception to STD’s.
We encourage women to take an active role in their bodies and healthcare.
We don’t just do a PAP. We offer STD testing, blood work, ultrasounds/mammograms.
We take our time especially with the women who have experienced trauma. We realize this can be an empowering experience instead of re-traumatizing situation.

In our office many tears fall because women feel safe to release, they have found ears to listen. In our office there is laughter as we share common experiences about our crazy bodies. In our office women have seen their own cervixes for the first time. In our office we live and love and learn together. It is for all of these reasons and so much more why we love the freedom midwifery offers every woman.

Call us for an amazing “well woman” exam today!

Every Woman Could Use A Wife

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In the Britannica World Language Dictionary (1956) the definition of Wife is a woman joined to a man in lawful wedlock. When you look up the word Midwife it says, a woman who assists at childbirth. In my opinion, neither of these definitions are accurate. It doesn’t capture the essence or expected tasks that being a wife means. A wife is a partner, a confidante, a lover, a spiritualist, an interior designer, a therapist, a culinary expert, a psychiatrist, a nutritionist, a doctor, a peer mediator …. I could go on. When the role of wife is defined in rudimentary terms the woman’s power, respect, and significance is lost. These terms put women at a disadvantage both mentally and physically in today’s society.

Women are now afraid of their strength and their own bodies.  When I thought about having a child I always assumed it would be in the hospital, on drugs, ending with a cesarean section. Discovering the world of midwifery I can’t believe I ever accepted this as my only option. Having a child is something my body does naturally. I’m not sick, so why go to a place that only deals with illness? Won’t they treat my labor as an illness instead of a miracle? Reading Spiritual Midwifery by Ina May Gaskin opened my world up to new possibilities. It made me realize that midwifery got a bum rap and it started with how it was defined.

I was trying to think of a new term for Midwife. Since my imagination is pretty wild sometimes, I thought about how Midwife and Midlife Crisis sound sort of similar. What if we defined the word Midlife Wife? How would that go? What could that show?

I think it’s safe to say that Midlife Crisis is when you reach a point in life where you look back on where you came from, where you are, and where you’re going. At times, this causes extreme reactions with some individuals and they do things so they can feel new, transition, and change their world. They want to feel alive. Midlife, describes the time in which this transition occurs for people. Doesn’t having a baby take up a good chunk of the middle of your life? Aren’t you in transition when you choose to have children? Doesn’t that mean constant change? If the word Wife was defined as a support, a friend, a project manager, a cleaning woman, a teacher, a counselor, a healer … then as a woman, wouldn’t you want a wife to help you through one of the most significant moments of the middle of your life?

I don’t know about you but that blew my mind! A Midlife Wife is there to nurture a fellow female so she can blossom and serve her true biological purpose. Childbirth is a miracle, a blessing, and a right of passage. It makes us one with the universe. As the universe creates life, so do you. It is a spiritual journey that only we can do. They say man rules the world, well ladies, we make it! You tell me which has the true power. Who would you prefer helping you? Face it ladies, childbirth is a big deal and every woman could use a Midlife Wife. There will always be a reason to appreciate the nurturing hand of a female that understands.

Don’t forget to send us your birth story or spread the word to be entered to win a prize!

Peace and Blessings,

Old Earth

Learning On the Journey – Wills and Trusts

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To finish the moment, to find the journey’s end in every step of the road, to live the greatest number of good hours, is wisdom. – Ralph Waldo Emerson, writer and philosopher

Trying to live life according to Emerson’s powerful words in our world today is sometimes a difficult task. I often find myself wanting to skip the journey and enjoy the destination but in all actuality I find that the journey and the destination are one in the same.

I’ve been blessed to discover this world of midwifery and motherhood. Almost six months pregnant with my first child every day, every hour, and every second is a new learning experience. I originally found myself at Wendi’s door offering her my doula services to clients. I found a new path in life in which I can help find strength and power within myself by helping women know their power during labor.  From Womb to Willpower Doula Services, caring for you so that you can care for your baby is my mission and now I have to provide that love for myself as well. I have always believed that knowledge is power and in order to respect the mother, doula, childbirth educator, and breastfeeding consultant I want to be in the oncoming years I have to do the research, take the steps, and gain the experience now.

In the search to find something to share I came across a concept that I have never thought much about. My will, estate, and assets. Who will get my house, land, car, or life insurance when I die? Will it be hard for those left behind to retrieve it?  It turns out that passing on your assets are a lot more complicated than just hoping it all works out. Did you know that Arizona is a community property state? That means “If you are the spouse of someone who dies, in most cases you will not be responsible for their debt. However, if you live in a community property law state, debts of deceased people do pass to surviving spouses and hold them responsible for repayment. The 10 states with such laws are: Alaska, Arizona, California, Idaho, Louisiana, Nevada, New Mexico, Texas, Washington and Wisconsin.” (http://www.nerdwallet.com) Makes you rethink the whole getting married under the law process.

I also found out that when you pass away if you don’t have a will, trust, or estate plan set up your assets go into probate.

“Sometimes it becomes necessary for courts to oversee the distribution of your assets upon your death. That’s where probate comes in. Probate is the legal process by which a person’s final debts are settled and legal title to property is formally passed from the deceased to his or her beneficiaries and heirs. There are many arguments for and against probate and its value in an estate plan. Probate provides a court-supervised distribution of an estate’s assets. However, the process subjects an estate to public scrutiny and additional costs of probate.” (http://www.newyorklife.com)

Sounds like an extra burden that should be avoided as much as possible.

Have you ever gone through a probation process to gain inheritence? Have you ever had trouble gaining custody over children? Do you know a good attorney in Arizona to talk about making a will, trust, or estate plan? As I see it, action taken now can prevent a stressful reaction later. Below I have included some links to some articles to provide a little more insight.

10 things you should know about living trusts

When my parents die, will I inherit their debt?

The primary purpose of of having assets in your trust

Overview of the probate process

I’m already surprised about how much I’ve learned since becoming a doula and mother. I’m ready to face more of the unknown instead of being scared of  the path least followed. I will take charge of my destination in life. I think Will Smith said it best in the movie After Earth, “Fear is not real. It is a product of thoughts you create. Do not misunderstand me. Danger is very real. But fear is a choice.” I’m going to continue to make the choice to empower my willpower.

Peace and Blessings,

Old Earth

 

 

 

How to create a good vibe in your family tribe

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I wrote this all down back in 2009 when we “only” had five kiddos. I had many people ask me “How do you do it?!” in reference to mothering and parenting. This is some of the how. Even though I wrote this a few years ago and we have seven kids now, this information is still relevant. We still use these techniques. Hope some of this is helpful!

We currently have five children and are expecting the sixth. They are ten, eight, six, four, and two. So I am mostly talking about younger kids. Seven years ago my husband and I totally overhauled our parenting style from a very punitive to a positive style. We have spent much time reading about parenting and talking to each other and other parents we respect about the way we want to do things. We are still a work in progress, very much so. I have some very special mentor mothers to thank for much of what we do today to discipline our children. Thank you Joanne and Lisa most especially.

  • Have a vision for your family and children. I encourage you to set your standards very high but not beat yourself up when you don’t reach them. I really don’t expect us to obtain the perfection of our vision but we will certainly be so much better for trying. Don’t practice “accidental” parenting. You can collect many tools (i.e. tips) but if you don’t know what you are building you won’t know which ones to use or when to use them.

Our vision for our family is to have a peaceful home in which we all take care of, are kind, and respectful to each other. A family where we always try do what is right because it is the right thing to do, regardless of whom is around. Of course this includes the parents too. 🙂 Share your vision with your children often in little ways throughout the day. This will help to keep you on track too. (This can really be the hardest part.) For example: One morning I made muffins. As we all sat down one of my children wanted to “call” the one she wanted. In our family we don’t “call” things. She asked me why I had made this rule. I told her, “Because it is selfishness. I want a family where, when we sit down to breakfast you will turn to your brother and ask ‘Ethan, which one would you like?’ and then he will do the same for you.” To my surprise, her brother turned to her and did just that! I thought they would roll their eyes at me because it was pretty idealistic. 🙂

Once you have established a vision it will be easier to choose which tools you will use. Throw out the ones that don’t help and may actually destroy what you are trying to build. Your definition of what “works” may also change. Though one tool may yield immediate results, its long term effects may be undesirable. For us, this meant throwing out hitting of any kind, yelling, all punishments and most rewards. (Pretty much the whole tool box) We do still discipline. Discipline does not equal punishment. Ultimately, I want to raise people who will choose what is right from an internal motivation. Rewards can foster a “What’s in it for me?” attitude. They can also put you in the position of wondering what to do when the child has decided the reward is not worth it. In the same way, punishments can lose their scare factor and sometimes they just don’t make sense. Most importantly, these are both external motivations and don’t foster an internal motivation for making good choices. Hitting and yelling are neither respectful nor kind and in no way foster peace in the home. Neither do they foster peace in the soul of either party. (We are STILL working on the yelling.) So what *do* we do?

  • We try to let natural consequences follow whenever possible. For example, if a child won’t control his/her body (i.e. he is hitting, running off) Mom will have to help you. This may mean being removed from the situation or sitting on mom’s lap etc….I try to always explain why I am doing what I am doing, even to very young children. When I say being removed from the situation it may mean leaving a play date five minutes after arriving, leaving a whole cart full of groceries, etc.

We had one child who was almost never flushing. Yuck! The consequence was to clean the toilet every time I walked in on an un-flushed toilet. Very rarely do I now walk in on an un-flushed toilet. 🙂

Also, I often ask the offender what they think would be fair in a given situation. They are often much harder on themselves than I would be. For hurting another (including with words), the family rule is that the offender do an act of service for the one they hurt as well as an apology. This can be getting a glass of water or making a bed, etc. We did this because we found the apologies had become much less than heartfelt and very forced and it is so beneficial to both parties.

  • Whining – I tell my children “You are whining. I can’t hear whining.” Then I help them bring their voice down by saying “Mom” (this is usually the first word whined) over and over in a normal tone until they bring down their voice to a normal tone to match.
  • Fights – If it is a small disagreement I ask them if they tried handling it with words and often give them an idea of words that could help like, “May I please have my chair back?” instead of shouting “MOVE!”

For larger fights I don’t ask what is going on. It almost never matters who started it or what happened. I start by asking each child “Are you doing what is right?” They usually try to launch into their side of the story but I will only hear a “yes” or “no”. It is almost always “no” from both parties. I then ask them each “How can you do what is right?” This gets them to think about how to solve it themselves and what part they own in the fight instead of how awful their sibling is. Ownership is huge in this family, again, including for parents.

  • For very young children that refuse to do something I ask “Mommy do or Baby do?” This makes it their choice. My help is not doing it for them but hand over hand helping them.
  • For rude answers or demands I say “Try again.” This gives them a chance to rephrase. I often will give them an example of an appropriate way to say what they mean.
  • On our way to special events or restaurants we go over the behavior expected of them. I always ask them to tell me how they should behave so I know they’ve got it. It is only fair to them to know what is expected of them.
  • Try to not assume negative intent. Messes are usually the result of curiosity or boredom not a devious two-year-old’s plot to ruin the last three hours spent cleaning. 🙂 This one is HUGE. I honestly believe people are born good. All very little people want are their basic needs. Not placing adult motivations like manipulation and spite on babies and toddlers makes mothering so much easier!
  • Notice the good in your child. Do it often and out loud in front of them and others, especially for those “challenging” children. This helps you too to be more gentle and loving in those rough moments.
  • Practice “Get off your butt” parenting. Be proactive and *thoughtful* with words and actions. Would you want someone to treat you the way you are treating your child?
  • Everyone will choose different tools but two that will work for every child are love and respect.
  • My favorite parenting saying of all time is:

“Good parenting is that which leaves both parent and child’s dignity intact.”

~ Rose Day